Moving to Arkansas rocked my world. Jonathan and I both felt God leading us here, and so I was rather at peace with the move itself. I was leaving a lot behind. I had 4 different part-time jobs (on top of my Full-Time Mothering) and an awesome group of friends.
Once we moved into our house in Arkansas, I had expectations. I would keep the house clean, cook amazing meals, teach my children, spend time in God's Word daily, and meet up with new friends throughout the week. I was working harder than I had ever worked before, and nobody even noticed. If people appreciated me, why did they put their dirty clothes in the middle of the floor? If people knew how hard I was working, why wasn't I getting any fulfillment? I left behind several jobs in Texas where I was appreciated and recognized constantly. Now, I was just plain mad. Underpaid, disrespected, unloved.
I took my frustrations to the Lord. How could I be feeling this empty when I followed God all the way to Arkansas? I left everything that was home to me for this? It was then that I realized the heavy weights I had placed on Jon. I was expecting him to give me unworldly appreciation, affection, and love. I was looking to him to meet all of my needs. And I was trying to figure out who I was without all of the titles I left behind.
Somewhere along the way, I misplaced my identity. I defined myself by the hats I wore: Wife, Mom, Realtor, Party Coordinator, Math Tutor, etc. The problem with that definition is that those hats often change, resulting in a loss of identity. Being a believer, my identity should only be found in the One that is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I am a Daughter of God.
“Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God...” John 1:12
Once that light bulb went off in my head, I offered my empty cup to God Himself. Jon should never have been expected to carry that heavy burden. And this was found in my Bible that day:
I have had to remind myself constantly that I work for the Lord and no one else. He sees my dedication, effort, and hard work (and lack thereof). And He alone gives me Joy and Purpose.